Postal's odd history began in 1997, where I recall this bizarre isometric twin-stick shooter with bullet holes carved in the box. It was a disturbing, paranoid psychological dark comedy with its tongue burrowed in its cheek. As Postal Dude rampaged through his town, gunning down hordes of 'Hostiles,' his mayhem raised many questions. “He's going postal!” they yelled. “Stop shooting, you sick bastard!” This sort of thing happens twice a week now, but back then, Postal was as ironic as it was unpleasant.
Postal 2 was a first-person open world game with an official tagline of, “It's only as violent as you are!” Indeed, the player could be as angelic or disgusting as possible. Although it sold well, I remember a lot of people accusing it of riding Grand Theft Auto's coattails.
RWS handed Postal 3 to another developer and it turned out very bad. Now, after many years of pretending the third game didn't exist, we've arrived at Postal: Brain Damaged, an FPS spinoff that's part of the '90s boomer shooter revival.
Dude has undergone a complete metamorphosis during his history. Once a crazed, broken mass shooter, he now personifies cynicism. Since 2, he's acted as an “everyman” trying to survive in a world that has descended into madness. Emotionless and deadpan, he reacts to inevitable violence with sociopathic indifference.
Postal: Brain Damaged takes place within Postal Dude's head after he falls asleep on his couch. What follows are the flimsiest excuses for run-and-gun mayhem, presented over three episodes and fifteen levels. In the first episode, Dude wants a TV; in the second, toilet paper; and in the third, an autograph from billionaire “Leon Dusk.” These MacGuffins are beside the point and have no significance, except to lead Postal Dude through cynical hell.
The first level is a suburban, apple pie Americana dystopia. As soon as I began, unarmed NPCs fled from me. Since I always bring my conscience into games, I tried to be nice, leave the suburbanites alone, and focus on actual threats. The same went for the armies of cats walking around.
But then, faced with unanticipated challenge, I looked up a game guide. It turns out shooting Innocents for health and armor pickups is essential for survival. The next time I played—I am ashamed to say—I those NPCs into red paste matter.
The threats are immediate and unexpected: shotgunning hillbillies wearing red hats; morbidly obese, levitating, burger throwing, fast food addicts; killer dogs. More enemies join the mayhem in the ensuing levels, like exploding Mexican Jumping Beans, conspiracy nuts, and Lost Soul-esque clown heads.
Postal: Brain Damaged is hard. Really hard. Remotely unfair in some places, even on “Medium” difficulty. Postal Dude gets no reprieve, even at the beginning. At times there is so much happening on the screen, projectiles flying in from one direction and melee attackers coming in on the other, that death is imminent. Running for better strategic retaliation doesn't help, either, as the enemies form deadly Conga lines and beeline straight for Dude.
The usual FPS strategies apply: strafe, prioritize targets, move, and shoot at everything until it dies. Postal Dude has an array of weapons to give him an edge over the persistent horror, and most of them have a useful secondary fire option. There's your usual starting pistol, with the ability to lock onto targets; the tried-and-true shotgun, which can hook onto enemies like in DOOM Eternal; and the rocket launcher, which fires Monty Python Holy Grenades. The Penetrator is a very helpful dildo firing bow/sniper rifle. The 'Pussy Blower' deals out massive damage at the expense of doing horrible things to cats.
Lest I forget, there's peeing. With the quick keystroke, Postal Dude whips out his censored wang for whizzing. Go ahead, yellow up everything; it never runs out. Peeing isn't just for edgy shock value anymore, either. Powerups give Dude's pee abilities such as freezing, burning, and confusing. Urine is often necessary for opening doors, too.
By now the essence of the Postal: Brain Damaged experience is evident. There's no deep narrative here. Running With Scissors throws crap at the wall, sees what sticks, and throws more crap to pack it in. Speaking of Walls, a certain infamous one that makes up a few levels. From there, we travel to an insane asylum, an Illuminati/Deep State Conspiracy complex, and finally out into space. Nothing is intended to make sense outside of the infinite topical references.
And while I am no fan of the “it's all a dream” types of stories, Postal: Brain Damaged offers Postal Dude a psychiatrist's couch. It delves deep into the backed up colon of a disturbed, broken mind, letting us interpret what these enemies represent as we gun them down. It reminds me of that forgotten movie The Cell.
It also makes me wonder about my brain.
Postal: Brain Damaged is searing, biting satire of the current state of our world. Its biggest drawback is it won't please everyone. It shouldn't please everyone, though, as it would cease to be a Postal game. As a game, it plays well. As a throwback to the '90s id Software/Build Engine era, it accomplishes that task with honors. If aliens ever find the ruins of our civilization, Brain Damaged will serve as an invaluable record of what happened to us.
Final Grade: B