Note: This review was written before Clerks III hit theaters, which, at the time of writing, I had not seen. I have since watched Clerks III and would like to issue the following correction: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is no longer "Smith's biggest wink at the camera yet."
Clerks III is.
I have a love-hate relationship with Kevin Smith movies, particularly post-'90s Kevin Smith. His movies have been a part of my waking world since my geeky adolescence, back when I doubled over laughing at a filthy, foul-mouthed movie called Clerks. I watched Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma until my VCR begged me to stop.
Somewhere into the 00's, what the cool kids call the 'aughts,' that old Kevin Smith charm slipped away. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was supposed to be his stoner characters' swansongs before Smith moved onto more down-to-earth fare. But after Jersey Girl bombed, he brought the duo back for Clerks II. He dipped his toes in horror with Red State and Tusk, and he directed a critically panned 'homage' called Cop Out. The last time I checked on him, he was capturing his now-adult daughter Harley Quinn Smith on camera at every opportunity.
His movies have been autobiographical since Clerks, as fiction tends to be, but the longer he goes on the more his filmography becomes an on-screen journal of his feelings. Strike Back was a meta parody of all things Hollywood, the new millennium, and Kevin Smith. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is his biggest wink at the camera yet, but this time there's dust in his eye.
Curiosity brought me to Reboot when I saw a slew of negative feedback on IMDB and Amazon Prime. The reviews always started with, "I'm the biggest Kevin Smith fan on this site, but..."
I admit I did not read them thoroughly. I assumed they hated the movie over brainlessness. In that case, sign me up; I'm a connoisseur of stupid. Dirty Work is my favorite check-your-brain comedy. Every line from Spaceballs makes me smile. I've caught myself looking up random clips from Billy Madison, a movie I used to hate. Returning to the realm of Smith's Viewaskewniverse, I recalled fond memories of Strike Back, which I haven't watched since I sold the DVD fifteen years ago. I took the collective "Worst movie I've ever seen!" reviews as a challenge. "Bring it on," I said.
Almost twenty years after Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jay (Jason Mewes) and his hetero life mate Silent Bob (Smith) are in their mid-40s and up to the same shenanigans. They turn the former RST Video half of the Quick Stop building into a pot dealing front and get arrested for torching it. When they appear in front of Judge Jerry N. Executioner (Craig Robinson), their equal parts attorney and prosecutor (Justin Long) tricks them into giving Saban Entertainment (yes, the Power Rangers one) the rights to their own names. Saban is making a Bluntman and Chronic reboot. Jay and Bob embark on a quest to crash 'Chronic-Con' so they can reclaim their names and beat up the reboot's director, some guy named Kevin Smith.
But first they stop at the shopping haven from Mallrats, which in 2019 gasps for its last heartbeat like every other mall. There they reunite with Smith alumnus Brodie (Jason Lee) who has relocated his comic book shop because the mall manager is desperate for cheap rent. Brodie, of course, updates our heroes on when and what happened since Mallrats, and he also delivers that typical Kevin Smith expository disclaimer about the difference between a reboot and a remake. Wink. Cue Force Awakens joke.
Jay then runs into with Justice (Shannon Elizabeth), the one who ironically fell in love with him in Strikes Back. It's here Jay comes clashing with awkward reality when he finds out they have a love child, Millennium 'Milly' Faulken (Harley Quinn Smith—also, get it?) Justice makes Jay promise he won't reveal the truth, which sets up the bulk of the movie's conflict.
Milly forces Jay and Bob to take her to Chronic-Con so her Asian friend Shan Yu (Alice Wen) can catch the movie premiere. Along for the ride are more of Milly's Generation-Z posse, much to aging, accidentally insensitive Jay's confusion: a Muslim refugee named Jihad (Aparna Brielle) and Sopapilla (Treshelle Edmond), who is deaf. The gang steals an Internet predator's van and takes off for Chronic-Con, with Milly in the back between her two dads, the real life and fictional one.
Right here, a bothersome aspect of the movie emphasizes itself: the movie isn't funny. Oh, there are jokes, like when Milly overshares her risqué lifestyle and Jay keeps skewing into outraged secret parent mode, or when Jay and Bob get so baked Method Man and Redman do a cameo. But the comedy falls flat, over and over.
Smith has been quoted as saying "t's literally the same **** movie all over again." Putting Reboot side by side with Strikes Back reveals a tremendous difference, however: the first film also had jokes, but the jokes were funny. There was a manic, madcap energy to them. There was effort. It was funny when Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek emerged from the Bluntman and Chronic costumes. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, appearing as themselves, filmed a horrific Good Will Hunting sequel. Strike Back fed off then-current pop culture like Star Wars prequel fever and those American Pie movies.
Maybe everything was more fun back in 2001?
Compare it to here, where Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek show up on a con panel and express how bitter they are these days. The punchline is, “Jason Biggs and James were in the first movie, and they're sitting here again.” The Klan captures Milly and co. for...some reason. It's never made clear why, but the payoff is, "Look, Silent Bob is fighting Klansmen." There are lots of big names making appearances from their stints in Smith's past films, but again, they do nothing. The joke is they once appeared in a movie of his. Smith tries to get comedy out of a face, even if that person does nothing.
The same can be said for Harley Quinn Smith. I want to believe she is a decent actress, but her father hands her as little to do as everyone else. Her job is to roll her eyes and deliver lines in the dullest monotones.
Reboot wants Jay to finally come of age and own up to being a dad, which one would assume is overdue when both the actor and character are 45. The problem is Jay and Silent Bob were never meant to grow up. Beyond their roles as caricatures, the charm was in them being sympathetic assholes. It's why in Strike Back, we cheered them on for winning even as they beat up children all over the country. It's also why, when Jay tears up over his failure at fatherhood while sad music plays, we run into a mess. The movie tries to juxtapose sincere and slapstick Kevin Smith, and they don't meet in the middle.
The movie almost redeems itself with a happier Chasing Amy update. It's nice to see Holden (Ben Affleck) not only as Zen-like as he has ever been, but also on good terms with Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams), who is now a surrogate mother to their child (Jason Mewes's real-life daughter). On the other hand, the point of the scene is Holden giving sage parenting advice to Jay that doubles as another fourth wall speech from Kevin Smith to the audience. "This is the message. Now I'm explaining the message in further great detail. My kid is great, and my friend's kid over there is great. Aren't kids great?"
Smith appears as himself for a big Comic-Con parody speech. He comes off as self-indulgent even when making fun of himself, and it ties the entire film together as an autobiographical paint factory explosion. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is not about transitioning arcs, or how we can stay young even as our little ones run around. It's about Kevin Smith's heart attack, his veganism, and his plane incident. Did you know he loves Star Wars Jaws, and Fletch? He does! Did you know he made some weird walrus movie? He did! This movie is the most Kevin Smith talking through his characters Kevin Smith movie than any other Kevin Smith movie I've ever seen, rife with the worst Kevin Smith aspects of nepotism. It forces me to realize even Clerkswas like this. Now a demon has time-traveled 25 years into the past to make me question everything I ever believed in.
The more I think about it, the more I keep comparing Kevin Smith to Adam Sandler. The only difference is instead of passing around embezzled budget money to his friends the way Sandler does, Smith gives his friends and family movies. He also really wants you to understand how many people he knows from Hollywood.
Smith also has the ability to magically grow a movie whenever he wants, and he spends the time and money even if there is no clear reason for it. In the case of Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, I get the theme, but why was it made? What was the point? There is no reason Jay and Silent Bob Reboot should have happened.
Unlike any Star Wars movies after 1983, I can't pretend I'm not disappointed. Reboot is like a parasite that burrowed into my brain and made me angrier as time passed. I wanted to prove the haters wrong. More than anything else, I wanted to go back to Quick Stop and hang out with my old friends. If nothing else, Jay and Silent Bob Reboot is a testament that 1994 is gone forever, and it will never happen again.
Now Smith is working on Clerks III. Excited as I want to be, I fear there will be nothing left to say if it ever happens except, "You're closed."
Final Grade: D-
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