| Title | Year | Summary | Rating |
| Ninja Scroll | 1993 | A good movie soaked in too much blood. | *** ½ |
| Slayers: The Motion Picture | 1995 | Not quite Perfect, but entertaining enough. | ** ½ |
| Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust | 2000 | Certified fresh and doesn’t suck. | **** |
The older I get, the less I feel like anime was made with me in mind. That doesn’t mean I’ve outgrown it, or I’ve lost my taste for it. I literally mean it was not made for me. The Japanese produce it for themselves and their own culture first. Not you, nerd.
Let’s say a show has a main character named Akinari, and his goal is to steal the Heavenblade from the Palace of Daikami so he can so counter the resurrected Hellblade. But it’s really all a metaphor for getting into Tokyo University and spending 60 years after that as a salary slave. Wait, what did you think that was all about? The hot springs episode?
But anime will always hold a nostalgic place in my heart, regardless. It doesn’t seem that long ago my 12-year-old self heard about these R-rated cartoons, filled with more blood and gore and boobs than Whoreson Junior’s bathroom. I remember buying random $30 VHS tapes like they were mystery boxes, hoping they would have random nudity when I brought them home from the mall.
There are no more mysteries these days. I have access to not only pretty much everything, but also detailed information about shows or movies beforehand. What I’ve come to realize is that not everything is good. In fact, sometimes finding the ‘good’ involves wading through a sea of trash OVAs measuring 40 years deep. God knows a few of those tapes left me confused instead of titillated.
So, what is good, and what is bad? Luckily, you have me here to tell you. Let’s not waste anymore time, then. Oh, and put the Heavenblade back—because I was Overfiend Takahara this whole time, and this was all part of my plan to wipe out the Multiverse! Mwahahahahaha.